We cannot change the cards we are dealt in life....just how we play the hand!

Four years ago (on May 30) I received a phone call no one wants to get and within moments me, mom and dad were on our way to Memphis, Tennessee and not to visit the home of Elvis Presley, but to say goodbye to a sweet, lifelong friend (of 16 years) friend.

Just one month before this detrimental phone call, he was announced ‘Cancer Free.’ I’ll never forget the text that said, “The doctors just told me I’m in remission!!” and I will never forget the fear and utter sadness I felt on the way to the hospital. As we were rushing to get there in time, people were constantly calling to tell us to “hurry, please. Tyler is asking to see Kenze and we don’t know how much longer he will live.” You see, the plan was all along for me to go visit him at home, in Louisiana, and celebrate him being cancer free that weekend, not to say goodbye forever…or until I get to heaven.

As I ran through St. Jude’s Hospital my heart began to get heavier with every step I took. Every sweet child’s face glowed with happiness. Suddenly I thought, How ungrateful am I of everyday life? Just the fact that I am healthy and not sitting in a hospital day in and day out praying for treatments to work, this should suffice my daily life. A moment of sheer disgust in myself, Charlie Brown style: good grief Kenze Brooks!

Finally, as I enter the room I hear his mom say, “Tyler, Kenze is here to see you.” In his dark room filled with so many machines, wires, and tubes; I could instantly see him light up and smile. And in that moment of fear, happiness, sadness, hurt, pain, and so much more filled me.  How do you say hello and goodbye all at the same time?  One thing friends always talk about whether it be to say hello for now or goodbye until we meet again is old times.  Ms. Barbara, Tyler’s mom, used to babysit me, that’s when Tyler and I became the best of friends.  When I had the chickenpox (yes, mom took me to the babysitter even with the pox- another story for another blog), he sat inside on the couch with me all day; which he hated to be inside.  Never did he complain though.  We played together, we napped together and he would always try to keep me safe from his big brother, Barrett haha.  I always called him my Ty Ty cutie pie.

So as I neared his hospital bed and smiling face I said, “hey Ty Ty, I’ve missed you.” He just smiled, but could say nothing.  Me being terrible with words in these types of situations says, “you look good with no hair!”  I got a little chuckle from him.  I chatted about old times for a few minutes, and then suddenly I was at a loss of words.  I just stood over him, knowing he’d soon be completely healed and with Jesus, but the hurt struck my heart for his family.  Death happens, I know this.  Hebrews 9:27 says it is appointed for every man once to die.  But God, why Tyler?  Why now?  All of these thoughts rushed through my mind, all I say is, “I love you.” And as I grabbed his hand, knowing it’d be the last time to be with him on earth, I could see his mouth form the words and with a strained, quiet voice say “I love you too.”  As I leaned down to kiss his cheek I told him, “you’ll always be my Ty Ty cutie pie.”  That was it, hello and goodbye all at once, a whole new meaning of the adage, life isn’t fair became all too clear. 

A couple years later, I read Randy Paush’s book, The Last Lecture, and his final line in his novel was “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” And I immediately thought of Tyler, he was a fighter, never a quitter.  He never let ‘Patrick’ (yes, that is what he named his cancer) get the best of him.  He lived his life to the fullest.  No, he could not change the fact he got cancer, but he did choose to accept it face on.

Four years ago today, I lost one of my best friends.  I am thankful, so thankful for this sweet dear friend that is in my life, if only for a short time.  He set a great example in which I strive to follow.  As I dedicate this post to him, he deserves so much more.  Even if you do not know his family, please pray for them today on this difficult day. To my Ty Ty cutie pie, I love you.

Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think.” 
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture


Kenze