All I Want for My Birthday..

            On my 18^th birthday, I was persistent for only one present; mom and dad heard it daily, “all I want for my birthday is a Mac computer-Mom! I don’t just want it, I need it!” She’d laugh and say, “Oh, Ruth!” I knew, in the back of my head, I would get one.

            Saturday, the morning of my birthday, mom told me to get ready.  She was so sick from chemo and looked completely worn, but was still going to make it a memorable birthday.  I wanted to be excited because it was my birthday, but to this day I can still recall the heavy-hearted feeling that hovered over my day.

            Just like I knew I was getting a Mac; I knew, in the back of my mind, that this could be my last birthday this could be my last birthday with her.  The mixture of excitement of my 18^th and the dread of the unknown future was almost overwhelming.

            As we drove into a shopping center, I saw the Apple store- excitement was back! But as we walked up the sidewalk, mom stopped at a door before the Apple store.  As we walked into the James Avery jewelry store, with a quiver in her voice, mom asked the sales woman, “Can we look at the Remembrance rings, please?” I am embarrassed to say in that moment, I was so blinded by disappointment that I didn’t notice the quaver in her voice.  Now, years later, I look back at the vivid memory and can hear the tremble.    

             It is a dainty, simple, silver ring with my birthstone in the middle. How appropriate! My last present from mother is a ring that I can remember her by for the rest of my life!

            Today, on my 22^nd, I am spending my fourth birthday without mother.  And like a four year old, I long for and desire to have a birthday party with mom.  Moms are the only other people, beside you, who are just as enthusiastic about the presents you get, she is the one who sings the loudest (and off-key), and she is always the one to cheer the proudest when you blow out all the candles on your cake.

            Unlike my 18^th birthday, I do not want a materialistic present like a computer.  All I want for my 22^nd this year is a birthday with my mom.  As I type this blog with my Mac computer, I chuckle at the thought of “absolutely needing it.”  Because like the computer that I absolutely needed, I want one more birthday with mom and “I don’t just want it, I need it!” and so much more.

             

            

Life is too short and so precious, my friends. 

               

 Kenze