Celebrate With Me!

A year ago, on this very day I posted a blog about my dear friend who we lost to cancer.  I almost considered not writing this blog because it's essentially the same.  However, this time I chose to focus on the reason to celebrate for and with him on this day!

Five years ago I watched one of my dearest friends lose the fight to cancer and life as I knew it became oh so different-a true pain of reality struck me for the first time.  I was seventeen years old and he was sixteen-SIXTEEN!

            In the moment of loosing him, the thought of loosing him was almost too difficult to bear.  At sixteen, you should be just beginning your life, getting your drivers license, going on dates-not spending weeks at St. Jude’s hospital for treatments. 

            The best thing about Tyler Bartlett was his sweet spirit, bright smile and his gorgeous blue eyes.  While Tyler was literally fighting for his life, he lifted the spirits of so many people in his room.  All I remember thinking is, “how in the world is he doing this?  How can he be so happy?”

            In the moment of seeing him so sick, I realized his life had drastically changed when he was diagnosed with this awful disease, but he never let it affect his life.  In fact, it encouraged him to live louder, to be a witness and servant for Christ.

            Then suddenly as this sick reality of the world hit me so hard, I realized that life as he knew was about to be oh so different-and not in a bad way.

            A year after Tyler died, my mother passed away from cancer and while she was sick she would remind me constantly, “I will be healed, either here on earth or ultimately in heaven.”  Those words still ring in my ear as a promise of complete healing for my mother and Tyler.

            And though it took five years to fully realize that Tyler did NOT lose his fight to cancer-oh no! He won, he has the ultimate victory over that sick, awful, terrible disease. 

At sixteen, I thought he should’ve just begun his life and then once again it struck me, he did just begin his life-in heaven! How measly this life seems in the grand scheme of things.

Tyler’s happiness while he was so sick was truly from his heart because he knew who held his future, and however God chose to heal him; it was at peace with his soul. 

What an example Tyler left for me-at sixteen, he had so much more knowledge and wisdom than I do at twenty-two, I believe.  His life was truly a legacy and a lesson learned for me. 

So as the rest of the world goes on with their day of May 31, my heart will not ache at the loss of Tyler from this world, rather it will ache with sorrow for his family whom I love with all my heart and is missing him daily! But today, on this “normal” day for everyone else I WILL REJOICE and celebrate that he is perfect today in the arms of Christ.

Celebrate with me and pray for his sweet family!

Love you sweet, Ty Ty!

Known Through Memories

Tomorrow is a big day for everyone, because...well...everyone has at one point had a mother and it is indeed Mother's Day. The day when flowers are abundant and squished loving hugs are taken by mom's who use their day to get as much affection as they can (because the rest of the year us kids are simply too much trouble).

As I contemplated writing a blog about how great my mom was and how much I can count on her (which I very much do), I decided to write about a woman I consider my mom just as much as all my other friend's moms: Sue Brooks.

Let me tell you about Sue Brooks. She is loving, feisty, brave, intelligent, beautiful and wonderful. These things I know about her not because we have met, but because she lives in stories and joy filled memories that Kenze tells us as we go about our lives living in the same apartment together.

I remember the first time Kaitlin and I went to Kenze's house, and we cried together as we read letters and articles written about this great woman. She was an educator. She loved her students, especially Kenze (who received her only "b" from her mother's class). She was not without humor, because I can only imagine seeing her grab Kenze's arm and race toward drunken tailgaters in order to form a fake friendship for free food (you'll have to ask Kenze about that one). When Joseph was being scouted by football coaches, Nick Saban himself showed up at Mrs. Brooks classroom. When asked to wait outside, Saban said, "do you know who I am?" Not to be questioned, she said "do you know who I am?" Haha! How can you not love this woman?

What breaks my heart is that I did not get to meet her before she passed away, but it has been my utmost joy to know her daughter. I know Kenze would not have been the same without the way she was raised, loved, and (sometimes) punished. Kenze Ruth Brooks is an example and living representation of who I believe Sue Brooks was, and still is in heaven.

One of the most commonly uttered phrases in our apartment is "I cannot WAIT to meet your mom in heaven." And that is truly how we feel. We all love her just as we love our own moms. She is a part of our family and will always be. Today Kenze graduated from SFASU, and without a doubt I know Sue was up there shouting and pointing and bragging to the Lord about how beautiful and wonderful and intelligent her daughter is and will continue to be.

Kenze, I love you so much and so does she.

Sue, still can't wait to meet you :)

yours truly,

Katherine

All I Want for My Birthday..

            On my 18^th birthday, I was persistent for only one present; mom and dad heard it daily, “all I want for my birthday is a Mac computer-Mom! I don’t just want it, I need it!” She’d laugh and say, “Oh, Ruth!” I knew, in the back of my head, I would get one.

            Saturday, the morning of my birthday, mom told me to get ready.  She was so sick from chemo and looked completely worn, but was still going to make it a memorable birthday.  I wanted to be excited because it was my birthday, but to this day I can still recall the heavy-hearted feeling that hovered over my day.

            Just like I knew I was getting a Mac; I knew, in the back of my mind, that this could be my last birthday this could be my last birthday with her.  The mixture of excitement of my 18^th and the dread of the unknown future was almost overwhelming.

            As we drove into a shopping center, I saw the Apple store- excitement was back! But as we walked up the sidewalk, mom stopped at a door before the Apple store.  As we walked into the James Avery jewelry store, with a quiver in her voice, mom asked the sales woman, “Can we look at the Remembrance rings, please?” I am embarrassed to say in that moment, I was so blinded by disappointment that I didn’t notice the quaver in her voice.  Now, years later, I look back at the vivid memory and can hear the tremble.    

             It is a dainty, simple, silver ring with my birthstone in the middle. How appropriate! My last present from mother is a ring that I can remember her by for the rest of my life!

            Today, on my 22^nd, I am spending my fourth birthday without mother.  And like a four year old, I long for and desire to have a birthday party with mom.  Moms are the only other people, beside you, who are just as enthusiastic about the presents you get, she is the one who sings the loudest (and off-key), and she is always the one to cheer the proudest when you blow out all the candles on your cake.

            Unlike my 18^th birthday, I do not want a materialistic present like a computer.  All I want for my 22^nd this year is a birthday with my mom.  As I type this blog with my Mac computer, I chuckle at the thought of “absolutely needing it.”  Because like the computer that I absolutely needed, I want one more birthday with mom and “I don’t just want it, I need it!” and so much more.

             

            

Life is too short and so precious, my friends. 

               

 Kenze

Why Me? (A Piece by Mom)

              When I went home for Thanksgiving, I found mom's "junk drive" as she used to call it.  As I was looking through all documents, most filled with teaching ideas, I ran across a couple writings she had written for a class.  They were all so touching and I can only hope to be as great of a writer as her one day.  So, I thought why not share her writings?
             She wrote this after her father died in 2007, just two years before she passed away.  The feelings that she expresses, I could not express any better.  The same hurt she describes is still so close to my heart. 
        

"Why me?  This question is such a trite one that parents often hear from their children when thing don’t go their way.  And this is no different in my family.  “Why does this have to happen to me?” my teenager has asked on numerous occasions.  Replying with a serene voice and a comforting hug, I give the oh-so-typical maternal remark that does little to soothe the pain; nonetheless, the “right words” are not as nearly as significant as my presence in the midst of the storm.  Recently those tables were turned, and I became the child questioning “Why me?” However, no parent’s calming words or embracing arms enveloped me.  Instead just emptiness and a deep void in my life.

On Thanksgiving 2007, I was visiting my father in M D Anderson Cancer Hospital in Houston, Texas.  My father had battled cancer (5 different types for 11 years).  Chemo…radiation…hospital trips became the new normal for my family.  Often we (my brothers and sisters) had been “called in” because Dad was “not going to make it this time.”  However each time he rallied back (outliving one of his doctors) to return home.  Even though I knew Dad was ill and could die, that concept was not something I had truly confronted but only placed the idea somewhere deep in the dark recesses of my mind and occasionally mulled over the thought.   In fact, we had become so accustomed to “nearly dying” that we had laughed about how he would probably outlive all of us. 

 

Consequently, when I went to visit my father this particular time, I volunteered to give my mother a break from the strain and allow her a night of sleep.  Assuring her that I could handle anything my father “threw my way” (literally and figuratively), she left for some much needed rest.  Being a high school English teacher, I had brought a Texas-size stack of essays that needed my perusal.  I learned early on in my Dad’s illness that a hospital is not a place to get sleep, so I had planned ahead.  Making sure Dad was tucked in for the night, I settled down on the lounge chair next to his bed.  After a couple of hours, grading by a small amount of light had grown tedious, so I put my grading aside.  At that moment, my father raised up in his bed, looked all around the room, looked me in the eye, laid his head back on the pillow, closed his eyes, and took one final breath on this earth.

 

I could describe the scene that followed and the subsequent days but the pain that ensues is still raw. 

Seven months later, this fifty-year-old adult reverts to a child and asks the question “Why me?” I have three siblings, but I was the chosen one to witness the death of my father.  My selfishness wishes this job had been granted to any of the three.  My maturity reminds me that this responsibility is one that was randomly delegated to me.

 

Why me? still echoes in my thoughts.  Just one more time I wish the child in me could be comforted by my father’s protective arms, his calming words, his presence in the midst of the storm.  However, the storm continues to rage, and the child stands alone…..waiting……"

The peace I have is that mom is now in the arms of our Savior, giving her that hug more than a parent could ever give.  She is spending every day with her dad in heaven, the hurt and pain is no longer there.  She is absolutely perfect and I CANNOT WAIT to meet my Savior face-to-face and see her again!

But until then, here I am, waiting...
Kenze

 

 

Oh Ruth!..A Lesson From Mom

Today, like every day I was thinking about and missing mom.  Though it has been 3 years and 3 months, not one moment goes by that she is not in my heart.  For those of you who did not have the privilege of knowing mom, she was a rather quirky lady-yes, I get it honest.  She was a teacher, so every conversation that I had with her had some kind of lesson, usually one that kicked me off of my pedestal that all high school students put themselves on because I thought I belonged there.  If it wasn’t a life lesson, it was a grammar lesson; at the time it was so annoying, but I know where my commas belong.  Her famous quote was “commas are like vowels in wheel of fortune; they aren’t free so use them wisely.”  Quirky! But it stuck. 

A lesson I remember so vividly is when a frog got caught in a coffee can lid outside of our house.  My brother, Matthew is a huge lover of animals; when one was in trouble he had to do something about it.  Now, please don’t ask me why there was a coffee can lid in our yard; and furthermore, I could not begin to tell you how a hole got in it, but mind you two boys were always rummaging around in the yard with destruction in mind.  

I distinctly remember this day, it was cold outside and Matthew came in the house with an upset look on his face.  He told mom and dad to come outside and help.  Being the nosy sister that I am, I pranced behind them halfway hoping he was in trouble.  As we rounded the corner of the house I saw a frog stuck in a hole in a coffee can lid.  Matthew picked it up desperately wanting to help the little guy out.  The coffee can lid had separated the frog from something he wanted; so the frog put his head and front legs through the hole and began to eat.  As he ate, his stomach got bigger; he then tried to get his entire body through the hole, leaving him stuck.

Without hesitation, here came the lesson on sin. I was always amazed as to how quickly she could spit these lessons out.  The frog saw something he wanted, though there were other things around that he could eat, he desired that particular thing.  “Sometimes when we submit to our selfish desires, sin gets us caught in a trap, like the frog.”  Of course the lesson lasted much longer with many, many Bible verses to back her up.  Romans 6:23, For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ.  Had my brother not found the frog, it would have died.  Again, quirky, but it stuck!

You are probably wondering if the frog survived his sin and the lengthy lesson we (even dad) all received-yes he lived.  After being smothered in vasoline, they finally had to cut the lid to release him.  It was a long and tedious escape-one that I would have given up on and let the frog meet Jesus that day. 

Mom and I went back in the house and I said, in a cocky tone (poking fun at mom’s lesson), “well, I hope that frog learned his lesson.”  Mom replied, “Oh Ruth, that frog is just like you.  You know it will get you in trouble, but you return to it anyway.  We just need to be so thankful for a savior so full of grace and mercy because if He weren’t He’d leave us stuck in that hole.” 

Ah yes, knocked off of my pedestal once again.

Kenze 

It's nude, not naked.

Yes people, I think it's due time that you realize the difference.

Nude. Naked. Nekkid. Unclothed. Their birthday suit.

I am an art student. I have taken drawing classes, 2D/3D design classes, painting classes, digital media classes, photography classes and art history classes. To my delight, the average person is only focused on one specific class, usually with horror: figure drawing (also known as the class where someone is naked! OoOo).

*nonchalant look on face*

Person 1: Waaaaiiit. Hold on. You mean....they don't wear clothes?!?!
Me: Why yes. They are fully nude and we draw them. It's no big deal.
Person 2: But...they're naked.

That's normally how it goes. And for the defense of all those people, the first class I took I freaked out a bit too. Surprise surprise! There are actually people in the world totally ok with their body enough to sit nude in front of a class of people staring at them for two hours. It is a difficult job, and it takes guts (but it pays). To assist this new idea, let me first explain the difference.
Naked (to artists) is a term meaning that the person was not desiring or planning on being undressed in from of others.

Nude (to artists) is when someone specifically isn't wearing clothes for art or some form of it.

So yes, while it's weird at first you get used to it. When I'm drawing I don't think...omg....she is naked!....I can see everything!!

I'm more thinking: "This isn't proportionate yet" "I need this to measure this" "knees are hard to draw" "this music the prof plays is weird" "I wish I had some coffee" "maybe a muffin too."

Indeed whilst I have seen many nudes through the semesters and have a complete portfolio of those works, it's just another art class. When I see that person they are just a person who I had class with and ended up drawing ( drawings which had to be kept from the innocent eyes of my sisters).

So next time you encounter an artist instead of pulling the classic "OMG you draw nekkid people??" just ask, "Oh, so you work with nude models?" Not only will you seem informed but knowledgable about the art community. You can do this! Besides, you never know when one of your friends might be a nude model, they might surprise you!

fully clothed,


Katherine

Kisses from Katie

So I am currently reading Kisses from Katie and if you haven’t read this book then I really recommend that you do. Basically it is about a nineteen year old girl listening to God and following through with what he asks her to do. Many people in our world today (especially a nineteen year old) would have a hard time giving up family, friends, and a boyfriend to follow God all the way to Uganda. Yet that is exactly what Katie does!

There are many things this young woman sees and deals with on a daily basis that literally make me ill. I am a very selfish and spoiled person. I get so upset because something doesn’t go my way that day or someone didn’t follow through with plans that we had made. Yet, there are people in this world that don’t have running water or they don’t have any possible means to provide for their family. Yet, I have indoor plumbing, four walls and a roof over my head. There are people dying in this world due to starvation while I go shopping because I am bored with my completely packed closet.

I am not saying that God is calling everyone to Uganda, but maybe give that shirt in the back of the closet to someone who really needs it, or give a few dollars of your pay check to someone in need. There are so many things that we could be doing to help people in our neighborhood, state, or even across the world.  We get so caught up in our own world that we forget that we are not the only ones that live in it. We are all sons and daughters of Christ! So I hope that we all remember today that we are truly blessed to be where we are in our lives. Things might be falling apart but at least we have someone who loves us not matter what and that he would go and DIE for our sins.

I hope that you will at least spend some time with God today and ask him what he wants you to do. This most important thing to do is OBEY with what he has asked of you. It may not be where you ever thought you would be, but at the end of everyday God has a plan to use you in some way (He just doesn’t always tell us about it).

“When you try to save your own life, your own desires, you will lose. But when you decide to put away your desires, to lose your life for me, you will find it.”                                 Matthew 16:25

-Kaitlin